‘Look mum, that dog has a REALLY big doodle!’… and 14 other moments being a parent kind-of sucks.

Being a parent really sucks sometimes. The kind-of suckiness that makes you want to cry uncontrollably over a stiff drink, at 8.15am, but you can’t because: kids.

So we laugh. Maniacally. Bite our lip. Exhale loudly. And mutter non-swear words like “truckin’ bunt” under our breath.

Because sometimes, when you’re the designated boss person/nurturer of the little people, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Lots.

So please, have a chuckle at my expense (or add your own woeful experiences below).

Parenting kind-of sucks when….

1. Your three-year-old opens the change room door to the world while you’re partially naked, smacking it into your face in the process.

2. You attempt to leave the house with both children dressed reasonably when your 18-month-old slips over and falls in the only pile of chicken shit in a five metre radius.

3. Your 18-month-old decides to verify “I pooed” by grabbing a handful from her nappy and showing you, before lunging in for a hug.

4. Your three-year-old knees you to the face while trying to get her tights on. Despite asking her to “Point your toes, please” no less than A BILLION times, she forges ahead with flexed feet.

5. Your 18-month-old morphs into the MAGNET FROM HELL, which is suddenly attracted to the washing pile you’re trying to load into the machine, the dirt pile you’re trying to sweep up, the dishwasher you’re attempting to unpack.

6. At least one child URGENTLY NEEDS SOMETHING approximately two minutes into Mummy and Daddy’s special cuddles session. Every. Single. Time.

7. Your three-year-old loudly proclaims “Look mum, that dog has a REALLY big doodle!’ in front of everyone at the vet. (OK, I lie. This really was hilarious AND a rather valid observation. I mean, how often do you see a dog with a human-sized penis?)

8. Your 18-month-old eats spaghetti, embarks on a mission to touch everything in the room at least once, including clean washing hanging in front of the fire.

9. You buy tickets to see the Gruffalo on stage, forget about them until the day AFTER the show.

10. Your 18-month-old finds tumbleweed of cat hair, attempts to eat it, semi-chokes and spits it on the floor. Repeats process the following day.

11. Your 18-month-old knocks over hot cup of green tea, scalding your legs. Laughs as you dance around like a cursing lunatic.

12. Your children disregard all verbal warnings not to climb, ride backwards, stand on something perilous. They hurt themselves, expect sympathy.

13. You have to remind your 18-month-old it’s not OK to lick the cat.

14. You tread on minuscule Barbie accessory/piece of Lego that has been left out, momentarily consider amputating foot.

15. Your 18-month-old busts your clandestine toenail-painting operation, gets a closer look by treading on your freshly painted foot.

 

For trucks sake!

What are your mental parenting moments? What do your kids do that drives you nuts? Laugh with – not just at – me by posting your own stories below!